Cover in a firefight.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Marketing!
A fan of gerefrigeratorssuck.com, who I just made up, recently asked me "Patrick, is there any circumstance where you would recommend someone purchase a GE refrigerator?"
The short answer is, "no."
But that doesn't make for a very good blog entry. So the longer answer is, "Hells no!"
However, I feel like I should qualify that statement.
I know that this seems like heresy, but I'm a realist. There are, I admit, some situations in which it probably is okay to own a General Electric refrigerator.
For example, let's say you are one of the indigenous peoples who have traditionally inhabited the circumpolar region from eastern Siberia, across Alaska and Canada, and all of Greenland.
You're an Eskimo, in other words. You live in a igloo (as Eskimo do) which is a lovely place to raise a family but which lacks both a high ceiling and electricity. There is nothing to stop you from purchasing a GE refrigerator and putting it outside your dwelling. I suspect that it would keep your food perfectly cold under these conditions.
So you could have all your (of legal drinking age) seal friends over for adult beverages and would never have to worry about running out of ice cubes or your polar bear burgers spoiling!
This is, as far as I am aware, a completely untapped market for GE. Sales could be in the tens!
We're coming for you, Exxon!
The short answer is, "no."
But that doesn't make for a very good blog entry. So the longer answer is, "Hells no!"
However, I feel like I should qualify that statement.
I know that this seems like heresy, but I'm a realist. There are, I admit, some situations in which it probably is okay to own a General Electric refrigerator.
For example, let's say you are one of the indigenous peoples who have traditionally inhabited the circumpolar region from eastern Siberia, across Alaska and Canada, and all of Greenland.
You're an Eskimo, in other words. You live in a igloo (as Eskimo do) which is a lovely place to raise a family but which lacks both a high ceiling and electricity. There is nothing to stop you from purchasing a GE refrigerator and putting it outside your dwelling. I suspect that it would keep your food perfectly cold under these conditions.
So you could have all your (of legal drinking age) seal friends over for adult beverages and would never have to worry about running out of ice cubes or your polar bear burgers spoiling!
This is, as far as I am aware, a completely untapped market for GE. Sales could be in the tens!
We're coming for you, Exxon!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
We Live To Serve!
I'm not just all about the sarcasm. I want to help.
In this Sunday's paper there was an article about how GE is no longer in the race to be the world's most valuable business. From 2002 to 2006, GE and Exxon Mobile were locked in a battle to claim the title of the company with the highest market capitalization. Recently, however, Exxon Mobile has been kicking the crap out of our beloved GE. Exxon now is worth approximately $366 billion and GE is a paltry $95 billion.
Now...I'm not saying there is a direct correlation but...GE's fortunes seemed to have taken a dip right around the time I started having refrigerator issues. I feel a little responsible.
However, I am optimistic! I think that with a little hard work, GE can get right back in the fight and really stick it to Exxon! They've just got to tighten their corporate belts a little.
Now, as it relates to the refrigerator division, there probably aren't a lot more corners to cut. The refrigerators already seem to be constructed with fourth hand parts scrounged from third world garbage dumps. They can't be spending a lot there.
However, it occurred to me that GE spends a lot of money sending people to my home to fix my refrigerator.
I mean...their gasoline bill alone traveling from their service center to my place of residence has got to run them fifty dollars a year. Luckily for them, I am a thinker and have an elegant solution to this problem.
They should open a new service center in my kitchen.
It's win-win! Keeping my refrigerator running is turning out to be a fairly major yearly expense for them and this cuts down on a lot of that capital outlay. That's money they can put towards catching up with Exxon. I get a service technician on call 5 days a week, which means the only times I will lose food is when the thing breaks down on Saturday and Sunday!
I'll even bring the service technician coffee in the mornings.
Let's work together GE! Let's bring this good thing to life!
In this Sunday's paper there was an article about how GE is no longer in the race to be the world's most valuable business. From 2002 to 2006, GE and Exxon Mobile were locked in a battle to claim the title of the company with the highest market capitalization. Recently, however, Exxon Mobile has been kicking the crap out of our beloved GE. Exxon now is worth approximately $366 billion and GE is a paltry $95 billion.
Now...I'm not saying there is a direct correlation but...GE's fortunes seemed to have taken a dip right around the time I started having refrigerator issues. I feel a little responsible.
However, I am optimistic! I think that with a little hard work, GE can get right back in the fight and really stick it to Exxon! They've just got to tighten their corporate belts a little.
Now, as it relates to the refrigerator division, there probably aren't a lot more corners to cut. The refrigerators already seem to be constructed with fourth hand parts scrounged from third world garbage dumps. They can't be spending a lot there.
However, it occurred to me that GE spends a lot of money sending people to my home to fix my refrigerator.
I mean...their gasoline bill alone traveling from their service center to my place of residence has got to run them fifty dollars a year. Luckily for them, I am a thinker and have an elegant solution to this problem.
They should open a new service center in my kitchen.
It's win-win! Keeping my refrigerator running is turning out to be a fairly major yearly expense for them and this cuts down on a lot of that capital outlay. That's money they can put towards catching up with Exxon. I get a service technician on call 5 days a week, which means the only times I will lose food is when the thing breaks down on Saturday and Sunday!
I'll even bring the service technician coffee in the mornings.
Let's work together GE! Let's bring this good thing to life!
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